Worst Love Songs of All Time

It's not only that Valentine's Day is a greeting-card-industry-created holiday. What makes the lovers' day so difficult for many single people and couples alike is sitting through all the craptacular love songs that go along with it. And it's not just on Feb. 14 that music lovers have to wade through the crap sap; it's in the days leading up to V-day, too.

In honor of this very special occasion, here's a list of some of the worst love songs ever recorded. By no means is it THE definitive list. But let's be honest: Not only would all of the melodies have a spot on the definitive list, but somewhere — right now, in this country — they're on a mix tape or playlist that is about to be given as a show of affection.

Good luck with that. Let us know how it turns out.

Click here to vote for your least-favorite love song and Click here for some of the best love songs.

R. Kelly: 'You Remind Me of Something'

Maybe the "something" the pied piper of R&B sang about wouldn't be so bad if it was a flower, a sunrise or a classic poem. But it's not.

Instead, whenever he sees one particular gas guzzling SUV rolling down the street, he's thinking of you. Awww ... how unsweet.

And it's not just that you remind him of a Jeep; it's all the things he wants to DO to the jeep that makes this one of the worst love songs ever.

Remember the days when singers and songwriters used to cleverly mask their sexual intentions? Think "Afternoon Delight." Clearly, before he penned this masterpiece, R. Kelly wasn't privy to the subtlety class previous generations of musicians followed when singing about making love.

Part of what makes this so awesomely awful is that Kelly uses a smooth rhythm to trick you. You're thinking, "Man, this is a silky beat. Surely, It's all uphill from here." Then you hear:

You remind me of my Jeep, I wanna ride it
Something like my sound, I wanna pump it
Girl you look just like my car, I wanna wax it
And something like my bank account, I wanna spend it baby

Please believe that if you play this for your special someone on Valentine's Day, that extra "baby" at the end of the chorus is not going to save you from the impending breakup you're about to receive — partly because the song is so bad and partly because he or she will have no idea what it means to be spent like a bank account.

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Jimmy Buffett: 'Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw'

Doesn't the name just say it all? What's not to love in this explicit token of affection Jimmy Buffett wrote? I guess you could argue that Buffett should get bonus points for being direct and honest. (That's plus two for Buffett.) There's no wasting time here. But, there's also no cuddling afterward.

Honey why don't we get drunk and screw
I just bought a waterbed
It's filled up for me and you
They said you're a snub queen
Honey, I don't think that's true
So, why don't we get drunk and screw

Yeah, we heard you the first time and so the repetition makes this overt come-on more lame and lackluster — if that's possible. Once again, Buffett gets a point for calling his lady "honey," but it's minus 1,000 for referring to her as a possible snub queen and bringing up a waterbed.

First, if she has a bad back, a waterbed is the last place she'll want to be. Second, a waterbed — seriously? How 1970s gross of you. She'll love it so much, she'll probably close out her tab and go home — to her bed — alone.

The Police: 'Every Breath You Take'

You know your love song is in trouble when the lyrics are dangerous and even the beat is haunting. Valentine's is a good day for QT (quality time), but it's not such a good day for stalking — even if it sounds poetic coming from Sting.

Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you

OK, you could argue that songwriter and frontman Sting may be a little needy until you hear:

Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I'll be watching you

Now, this officially has crossed over into "Unsolved Mysteries" territory. We've all seen this episode. It doesn't end well. Hint: It's criminal.

If your cutie is whispering these not-so sweet lyrics into your ear, you may want to ask for some space, preferably with a restraining order. Sure, he or she could mean well. But do you really want to take that chance?

Meatloaf: 'I Would Do Anything for Love'

Meatloaf SAYS he'd do anything for love, but then he specifies that "I won't do that." So, what you're really saying is that you won't do anything for love.

Your love has prerequisites and conditions. Not only does that not sound promising, it probably will have the both of you sitting on a therapist's couch.

You: "You said you'd do anything." (sobbing)
Him/Her: "Yeah, but you know, I wasn't being literal and I sure as heck didn't mean that."
Therapist: "Hmm ... maybe it's best you go your separate ways."

Meatloaf tells you what he would do using lyrics written by Jim Steinman.

I'd run right into hell and back
I would do anything for love, I'll never lie to you and that's a fact
But I'll never forget the way you feel right now, oh no, no way
And I would do anything for love

And it sounds great until you recognize what's most frustrating about Meatloaf's lyrics is that he never specifies what "that" is. Is it being a vegan, or visiting your mother? Perhaps it's going to mass every Sunday or making your relationship exclusive. You'll never know.