Book Excerpt: 'Addiction-Proof Your Child'

— -- Chapter 9Keeping Your Child Safe

Jennifer Moore was murdered during a night of clubbing in New York City. After her car was towed, she and her friend showed up at the car impound lot intoxicated, and the friend passed out. While the attendants called the cops, Jennifer bolted from the lot, which was located in a deserted part of the city. She was followed and abducted by a man who took her to a motel in New Jersey, where he raped and strangled her.

The 18-year-old had gone to New York from her suburban home without informing her family. When interviewed, Jennifer's father said that he knew exactly what he would have told his daughter if she had called him from the impound lot: "Stay with your friend and face the consequences of getting drunk and violating your curfew. You may get a penalty. You may get a lecture. You may get grounded. But at least you get to come back home."

It is common for children to mislead their parents around drugs and alcohol. Sneaking around without their parents' knowledge adds to the risks they incur. Ideally, you would prefer your children not drink, at least outside the home, but most crucially you want them to be safe. Balancing these two goals in a way that makes safety a clear priority is called risk reduction.

Risk Reduction for Your Children

Sometimes we are so preoccupied with preventing children from misbehaving altogether that we fail to take simple precautions to prevent their behavior from hurting them forever. Consider the many bad things that can befall young people using, or abusing, drugs or alcohol. Among the potential ways in which they can come to harm while drinking are driving drunk, perhaps getting in an accident; getting into a brawl; having sex while impaired; throwing up and choking on vomit; suffering alcohol poisoning ("overdose"); blacking out and perhaps being raped or otherwise hurt.

Getting drunk doesn't have to be dangerous if it occurs in a controlled setting. Frequently, the problem is not the drinking so much as the environment — which kids choose because it is outside the realm of parental supervision. But if they drink in a protected environment, a hangover is often the worst that can occur. So long as their health and safety (and that of those around them) are protected, they will have time to do better down the road. An example of risk reduction is a safe driver program, which provides adolescents with rides when they've been drinking.